BigFootAintNoYeti.com

High Plateau Survivor

Tactical Handbook for the Colorado Plateau.
Formerly known as the Wasteland Survival Guide

Chapters
Synced

Tactical Readiness

Cryptid Sightings

Large hairy bipeds reported near pinyon groves. Keep your checkerboard hidden.

High-Altitude Hydration

Securing liquid at 4,000+ feet.

Tinajas (Natural Tanks)

Scour the sandstone basins. After rain, these natural depressions in the Entrada or Navajo sandstone can hold liquid for weeks. At 4,000ft+, evaporation is slower but UV is high.

Follow the Riparian Green

Cottonwoods and Aspens require a permanent water table. If you see bright green leaves in a dry wash, a shallow dig-hole will often pool water within the hour.

Desert Varnish (Seeps)

Look for black streaks (manganese/iron) on canyon walls. Water often seeps through porous rock and pools at the base or in hidden alcoves.

BigFoot's Backwash

If you find a massive, hairy footprint next to a pool, it's high-quality mineral water. BigFoot has refined taste. Just don't ask what he did in there before you arrived.

Warning: Social death sentence if caught staring.

Foraging

Alpine & Plateau flora.

Pinyon & Juniper (The Gold Standard)

Abundant at 4k-7k feet. Juniper berries offer Vitamin C, while Pinyon nuts provide essential fats and proteins for high-altitude endurance.

The Yucca Supermarket

The roots make soap and medicine; the leaf fibers make high-strength cordage and sandals. It is the Swiss Army knife of plateau flora.

Oshá Root (Bear Medicine)

Found in mountain meadows above 7,000ft. Excellent for respiratory issues caused by thin air and immune system fortification.

BigFoot's Buffet

BigFoot loves pinyon nuts more than you. If you see him foraging, ask to share. He's hungry, and "sorry" won't grow your arm back.

Strategy: Use manners to avoid being the snack.

Predator Combat

Engagement protocols.

Mountain Lions & Cougars

Ambush predators that hunt from ledge-lines. NEVER turn your back. Maintain eye contact, look large, and shout. If attacked, target the eyes and snout.

Coyote Pack Hazing

Usually timid, but aggressive in winter. Use stones, wave arms, and maintain a perimeter fire. If they don't retreat, they are testing you.

High-Plateau Rattlesnakes

Great Basin and Prairie rattlers hide in sagebrush. If bitten, keep the limb below the heart. Do NOT cut or suck the wound.

The Checkerboard Gambit

If challenged by BigFoot, it's usually checkers. He is a sore loser. Strategy: Let the BigFoot WIN!

Warning: Arm-ripping is a leading cause of death.

Hunting

Tracking prey across the mesas.

Mule Deer Migration

Target valley bottlenecks between 4,000ft and 9,000ft. Use the wind—deer will scent you long before they see you.

Small Game Snares

Rabbits have high-yield, low-risk calorie counts. Set snares in sagebrush "runways" during dawn and dusk.

Sage Grouse

Ground-dwellers on open flats. Can often be taken with a simple throwing stick if you remain quiet and downwind.

The Un-Huntable

Don't track BigFoot. He isn't prey; he's the landlord. If you find his trail, look behind you—he's already checking your pockets.

Warning: Being mistaken for a snack is a risk.

Altitude

5,840 FT

Social Status

Acclimating...

Official Survival Outpost

Main Supply Base

Official high-altitude gear, "Not A Vaulty" apparel, and tactical cryptid-wear.

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Etsy Outpost

Custom artifacts and cave-dwelling decor.

Amazon Hub

Essential rations and anti-rabies gear.